(from 2005 blog post)

Professor Adolph Von Euclid revealed today new math formulations which indicate that continuing massive deaths in the Middle East herald increasing success in the war on terror.
The newly revealed postulates show that at present for each thousand miscarnaged civilians nine point seven terrorists are killed. An ancillary formulation to the miscarnaged postulates shows that in near simultanity seventeen new terrorists are created per thousand miscarnagees resulting in a dead/arisen terrorist ratio of negative fifty seven per cent, plus or minus an Arab or two either way.
Using Third Reichian formulae, adjusted for lack of Jews in the study, genocidal statistics show that the number of new terrorists arising per thousand expunged civilians will eventually peak at thirty one point eight while the the number of terrorists killed per thousand collateral accidentists will increase non linearly due to the massive influx of new terrorists and the time honored war time sleight of hand alteration in methods of recording so many damn dead, dead, dead people.
The so postulated formulaic conclusion is that at one hundred twelve thousand innocents slaughtered the terrorist dead to terrorists arisen ratio should geometrically swoop into the positive range heralding a pleasant advance in the war on terror:
All going well, that is.

Hey, Tony! My kids are fighting this war! Why don’t you retire from the blather industry already? You can probably make big bucks at sci-fi conventions as a Jabba the Hutt impersonator!